=(
im so not normal today.

actually those mixed feelings started yesterday night. i thought i was just being emotional..

tuesday is forever sleepy for me. lessons end late...and some quite boring. chinese teacher said we will take back our mock exam papers on friday. ya~ confirm fail. hah~ i find that i hasnt been listening to mr tee's lesson lately. kept playing with hamsters or chatting with classmates..im not trying to say i was distracted. it's my fault~ hahhaas!!

i dont know what to say actually. just totally no mood~ lazy to touch my work. i know i like to find fault on myself.. example when im not sure about why people are upset, i will always think it's my fault. these few days, i became tired of it. i wanna sound out but who to turn too. well, some people out there reading this will start saying.. come on~ u have your friends. to be clear, if you really know me well, i dont really tell you wad i really feel down in my heart. i will reply u either 'no lars~ im okay' or 'nothing~just tired'.. if any of you realise. maybe no~ whenever i sees a friend feeling upset, i will try to ask what happened or to make them smile by acting like a fool. now, im tired of it. today, i was abit quiet compared to the other days. i find myself difficult to smile yet when i went back to class, i started my foolish act by playing and joking with my classmates. you now why?
it's becos to people who sees me on the outside, im a mad girl. i dont care about my so called reputation. i laugh out very loud..some people finds it entertaining some hates it. i dont blame them. just to see people around me laugh or smile...im contented. what upset me the most was my friend.

i know she's the kind who always appear cheerful and people thinks she has no worries. but i dont believe that. i believe everyone on earth has worries. just that she's the kind who wont reveal her unhappiness. sometimes, i am abit worry about her. these days, i dont know what happened or maybe i did something wrong and i din realise... my gap with her became distant. and i think it;s a big gap. she never talk to me.. only when i talked to her.. im so depressed. maybe i should leave them.. as it's the last year already. appearing too strong sometime makes one worn out. i am breaking down soon. i dont mind them having secrets among them and i dont know. i dont mind they walk together leaving me behind. i really dont mind~ but to understand how they feel or what's on their mind..that's what i want to know and keen to know. i've asked, just want to concern yet they never say..some said so i can solve problems. those din say, makes me even more depress and confuse. i dont know~ just that im really tired.

you asked me what is love? love comes in many categories.
and we are to young to know what it is.. and sometime even we have grown up, we still may not get the answer to it.

i rather keep everything to myself than to reveal it.
i can leave if they are happy with it.
i can be alone and force my soul to adapt it.
just to see everyone smile..im contented with everything.