Hi! This is a random post with my random thoughts.

I am a super sensitive girl when comes to emotions. I think a lot myself but I pretend not on surface. I don't appear to be weak but strong as a woman. I dislike being seen on my weaker side. I hate dropping tears. Often my tears are not for heartbreak but of anger, disappointment.

I don't know why I am so different from most of the girls out there. Who does not want to be loved by a man who is deeply in love with you? The men I see now, none is even on my ideal checklist. Mostly too weak for me. I sometimes hate myself for being a strong girl who thinks she could accomplish things herself and she do not need men's help.

FRIENDS or LOVER.
To choose between friends and lover. I definitely choose Friends. This answer is always the same ever since I made my first friend. I dislike sticking with my boyfriends almost everyday and not meeting my cliques and girlfriends. I need them. To be honest, I feel very sad when my friends go out together without asking me. I get paranoid after that. Thinking that they secretly went out without me, hurts me deeply. I get disappointed when friends got attached and we could not go out anymore. All this hates. I really hate.
But the current world trend, is once you got attached u go MIA in your usual cliques.
This is what Ive been going through. A loner afterall right?
Many said because I do not have a boyfriend so I would not know what is it feels like. Bullshit. All these are just bullshit to me. Sigh...
Maybe I should change too? When I have a boyfriend, I will disappear from my circle of friends. Only him. I should not be nice anymore. If this the way I am treated, then they shall be treated the same too. An eye for an eye.

I cherished my friends really a lot. But in this few years, many disappoint me. I have given up on some of them. No longer contact. The decision to make them disappear in my life was really tough. I shed tears for all of these. I become weaker just because of my friends. I am the one always seemed to be maintaining and holding on the my friendships. But many of them seemed to be letting go of our friendship.
I did many reflections and I gave up. Whoever wants to keep in touch with you, or want to maintain the friendship, will put in that effort to make them happen.

I have decided not to be nice. Friends accept who are you and you accept for who they are. Everyone is not flawless. Those who make effort to talk to you despite busy schedules, are the ones who wants this friendship to go on.