gonna update before i turn in.

second week of school was hectic. I went home super late and mummy became to worry for me. sigh...

i printed my notes and now i can study! hehe~

recently, i feel very sad. do you know there's one day after school, im left alone. left the lab myself, seeing no one wait for me outside. took the lift myself, walk on concourse myself. i almost cried. it's like you guys see me with lots of friends but actually i dont feel it. down inside im a loner. they thought i will have people with me but.... actually i am walking alone. i never tell my mummy cos i want her to know i can handle everything by myself.

my used to be close friends are all gone. they dont tell me anything anymore. i dont know anything. this is what are friends for?

for eguides, i am in FA. now i wonder, did i make the right decision. once used to be a team that makes me really laugh from my heart, now it's gone. i become like a stranger.

now to my friends, it seems that i am not significant anymore. whether i am happy, sad or angry, they dont seem to care anymore. maybe i have lose them. i ask myself alot of times, should i go back during april? shld i join april? will i ever find the initial feeling again? i dont know. i lose alot of friends and im like left with nobody. becos i spend alot of time in sch, i thought i have people beside me, but end up, i have none. becos i am busy in sch, i couldnt meet up with shiting when she is back in singapore. i feel very bad. also, becos i am busy in sch, i cant meet my crazy colleagues. i lose all these people. yet now, i lose my most important people. what should i do?

to me, as a friend, i dont think i have done anything wrong to you guys. i dont know why i have to deserve such treatment. when i feel you guys are feeling unhappy, i did concern. even if you guys reply me a 'im okay', i am okay with it. cos during that time, at least i feel i am still one of u guys. but now, i dont even dare to ask becos u guys just walk off in front of me.

i really wanna cry out becos i have put it in my heart for a very long time. everytime, i pretend to be alright. people see me to be in anger most of the time. but my face is like that, when i dont smile i look angry. i am tired of explaining this. why cant u guys understand? perhaps humans are like that.

how to tell u guys how i feel when what your actions doesnt seem to care. end up, i am talking to myself. why always put it in a way, it's my fault? i am not born to swallow blames. if i know i did something wrong, i will always apologise. but there are times, i dont think i have done anything wrong yet people make it like i am in the wrong. dont you think it's very unfair?

sigh...

shall end with SNSD's My Best Friend. the lyrics are well written. read it my friends~